Straying partners: Acceptance and beyond ! This one for all my girlies :)

As I promised to myself a week back that i'd return back here more often and pamper myself a little solace with words and some old Hindi romantic songs like this ! My little share of the heaven :)

As a promise of confidentiality to my friends whose stories I am going to share today, lets call them Ragini and Vani.

Both Ragini and Vani are my awesome girl friends from different parts of the world, with whom I evolved as a person and thus so much love <3
Like most of us both of them too had burnt their hands with love and molded their broken hearts with time and some wine ;) Whats strangely similar in their stories is that both of their last apparent crushes were happily married with a kid, but there was no infidelity involved as they never crossed the lines of "just friends" and both of them proudly managed to abort anything significant which could have happened.

Day before yesterday Ragini came home to meet me after a long while and was all smiles, she seemed unusually happy and not so cranky about her job which did not make her happy most of the times. After we struck little conversations she went on about a guy she had been telling me from past couple of months. He was apparently charming, interesting and not a pushy chaser which we all shun from a far off distance. They used to sweat out together at the same time and place.....  at an office gym, oouch  ;) it was somewhat a perfect fix to set up those flames ;-)

They were probably enjoying the first phase of knowing each other, it all started over some IM's followed by a couple of dinner and movie meetings. She was happy this guy didn't chase her  frantically and was a very happy company. I could see that hope in her eyes that 'maybe' he was her man.
As the evening progressed Ragini suddenly burst out in giggles, joking that probably she should check on him if he was married, Reminiscing her previous experiences with douches. What to do, demons haunt us. I instantly reacted and told her how she was a pessimist. Negativity usually makes me sick. Thus my sudden reaction. How I believe not to doubt people unless they give us reasons to. She got my peace of mind, that she had all the probabilities of being considered retarded and also the chances of damaging the relation. How she has to be positive, et al.

She calmed down, There came her phone getting flashed on my face with his handsome whatsapp picture and the usual curious me convinced her to check his public profile for more pictures, if we could find it. (BTW our very typical anti social Ragini doesn't have a FB account and quite firmly believes that FB is just a spy spot for everyone and anyone !) Bazinga !! we found his profile within seconds and took even lesser time to flip thru' the pictures and stumble upon one with a lady in his arms. Here came our eyes rolling out, in split seconds our heads processed, he was MARRIED !

She was very disappointed, but what brought her comfort was the fact that they were still just good friends and it had not progressed anywhere much ahead. So convenient it was for him to skip this portion of his life in all those talks and meetings, so easy it was to fool around on all those dinner and movie dates. So damn easy it was for him to just be a charming talker :) Ragini was a little shaken and happy at the same time, Happy that she discovered the truth very soon ! She left after a while leaving me with a stack of questions. It probably didn't disturb her as much it did me. I had a bad sleep followed by a lousy day at work. What probably shook me more was the thought that what if I get married to someone who strayed out of house like so many others? Would I be able to survive the agony? 
We all know the basics cliche foundation of marriages some 20 years back don't exist anymore. The norms have changed multifold.

Next day morning at my desk a little lost I confided in my friend and happily married neighbor. She is my angel at work, always welcomes me with a smile and gives me company on all those good and not so good days at work. She listened me out calmly and knew how disappointed I was about the whole idea of men cheating and flirting haywire, specially the married ones :(
There came her words of wisdom from a 10 year maariage; Pallavi this is the bitter truth of life and its not always fair and some men are 'like that'. She told me how she was mentally prepared if she had to raise her kids as a single mother if she ever faces something similar. Something just rang inside me, yes that was true, many men go stray at one point or the other. I have myself seen so many go! Why was it still so hard to accept?

Probably today I found the answer to that question, maybe men are evolutionarily and biologically programmed to do so, probably this was something beyond their control too, probably we girls didn't think the way they did and maybe we are plain different. Afterall humans were not designed to be monogamous. All these thoughts somehow calmed me a lot but in noway I could still buy infidelity. To me it was the big daddy of all sins. Thoughts like these have made me a little pessimistic about the whole marriage institution in the past. A big realization and acceptance came to me that in all probable situations it was anyday better to be single, but a girl would still need the support of a man to raise a family (like we have always seen at home !) but keeping a more realistic approach to all things (men) and still living at your terms was most important.

Yes it is- Acceptance of the world the way it is ! Acceptance of the things we cant change much ! Acceptance of the ecosytem as designed by his highness ! Acceptance of the differences!

A promise to myself to not get too lost and know when to move ahead !

The sweet little simple things in life :)

Today, I visit my blog after year’s altogether. For something which moved me so deeply that it brought back the urge to come back here and share. I first went looking for my journal, but it seems I have forgotten it in yesterday’s rush to leave office.

This week we had Holi and both my awesome flat mates have gone back home to their loved ones. I could not make it home like every other Holi from past 5 years I have been spending here in Bangalore.

My roomie Gargi has lately been my distress support and I was a little sad when I heard she will be not around for a week. Before she left I told her; how I am not a loner and how I hate being all alone these days. There were times in the past as growing up when I used to absolutely love my own company and you could leave me all alone in the house for months together :)  Gargi instantly held me and told “Pallo alone time is the best time when you are closest to yourself and you discover yourself even in more meaningful depths”. She made me very positive about the alone time I’ll have. I had to finally face the fear of answering the portions of me which I had been hiding for a while now :)

During all this alone time at house the only company I have is of my maid Asha who comes to clean the house at 7 sharp in the morning every day. I look forward to her ringing the bell so that I could have someone smiling at me and asking "didi bhalo bhashi?" (Meaning didi r u fine :) ) Today she was exactly 15 mins early so that she could manger some extra chores in the house. There are times like these when you realise the value of every single physical human company you have and I absolutely looked forward to seeing her. While she started her work, I prepared tea for both of us as both of us were up so early and I did not feel like heading for work so soon :) otherwise preparing tea on a weekday mornings is a task which usually goes undone ;)

I asked her to leave the work and have tea with me. After 5 mins with all her composure she came and sat across the dining table with me. Something I really admire about her is however small or insignificant her work might be, she never thinks anything little about herself. She completely understands that it’s trivial to be biased on work type and thinks no less of herself than any of us. She has absolutely no feelings of being any smaller than anyone.

Usually I have brief conversations with her on the usual weekends when she sometimes oils my hair.
Asha had a child marriage and also had a baby even before she could understand what it meant to be a mother.
While passing the rusks to her, I asked her if her husband and 2 year old kid were fine. If she was planning to go back to her village in Dhaka as mentioned few months back. Now that she told that there was no work back home and thus no reason to go back and most importantly she was happy here in Bangalore.

Typical me went ahead and asked what made her happy here because both her husband and she earned less than 6000 Rs. a month and how did she plan to work it out in future, because to us educated souls less money by default means lesser happiness. She started speaking with me in half Bengali and half Hindi she said, didi do you know Sundarbans?? I nodded in yes. “They are very beautiful, my village is very near to them, but my husband is very good.” I instantly smiled at her sheer innocence and intellect together, how much she valued and loved him. Questioning further, I asked what makes you say that, she said my husband has taken care of me. "aaamar husband Khoob bhalo (my husband is very nice)” is next what she shared. I was all smiles by now. I inquired if she ever studied and to my utter surprise she has till standard 6th. Curious me asked further, then why did you not go ahead? “Didi I got married after that :)” I concluded instantly that she was not happy about it. But then she went on further….telling me names of all jewelry ornaments in Bengali and showing me with her hands with what was worn where; “my husband bought me all those, he is very good bought me so many clothes and jewellery, but they are all in the village” (made me smirk! yes Jewellery did make all females happy, its universal :P )

She went on praising him and telling me how he had saved some money and bought her some earrings last month. How he feeds their son when she is out to work and occasionally cooks for her when she is not well.

I thought to myself how so many little things can make one happy, how easy was it to do these little things for each other to keep one going. How simple and reflective her statements were. How simple life is for her.

Her contentment with her life made me a little envious. Despite having so little of the luxuries we take for granted it was so easy was to be happy. Happiness for sure did not come from big fancy materials or comforts we are so used to in our lives. For Asha, it was these simple little things her husband did for her to make her happy. She is such a relief to me after having dealt with maids who had husbands coming home drunk and beating them up for more money. She is infectiously positive about things.

She filled me up with so much contentment and the urge to be even happier with whatever I had in my plate and be grateful to everyone who has stood by my in the past one big year of my life.

Just a small little reminder to myself for the start of the day, to find bigger contentment’s in little things and gestures around me. Practice contentment and gratitude more often.

a little promise to myself to come back writing some more as it does align my thoughts and help me unwrap those peels inside.

and it is time for me to get going to start another crazy breathless day at work :)

With love.
p.s: it will make me really happy if Asha could make you feel a little alive. Feel free to drop me a signal :)

Freedom of a Free mind

FREEDOM OF A FREE MIND
Freedom is nothing… freedom is everything.
A free mind is one which has no boundaries of age, sex, color, religion, caste, country, culture, money, etc. It is the one which can reach to anyone and anything. For me a free mind is one which doesn’t have to justify itself to anyone, it is the one which doesn’t has to do things because someone wants it to do. It is free of worries and it is full of life. It is a mind which makes a person happy and content mentally and physically.
Freedom has meant so many different things to so many different people. For a toddler it means to let him cuddle anywhere he wishes to, for a teenager freedom means taking their decisions on their own with the support and trust of their parents, for couples it means to have faith on each other, for parents it means to be a part of their children’s lives. We observe so many forms of independence in so many types of individuals and all these forms are supported by a free mind.
One thing all of them have in common is a need to loosen and throw out the shackles of circumstances that they believe hold then back and curb their desire to fly.
I once was told that if you have an idea and an intellect to back it up, then there is no looking back, there is no one who can stop you.
Real freedom isn't dependent upon your external circumstances. Real freedom is right there in your own heart, mind and soul, you only have to recognize it.
Situations, values, cultures shape a person’s personality but to be able to feel what the mind wants and the heart feels is true freedom of being.
Being able to know what you truly want and being able to realize those wants is being free is.
Be what you are, how you are, be a free soul. There is a beautiful life ahead of worries you just have to realize it. God has sent us all with a purpose to solve, let’s live it.
At the end I would like to quote the prettiest one liner I have come across “Let’s celebrate life”

So close, no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
- Title: Metallica – Nothing Else Matters lyrics

A lil sneak peek in my life....

I wrote this back in march of 2008... just posting in on blogspot now :)I m a hardcore Piscean I love my hometown Roorkee....and feel that no place on earth can match its serenity I cherish my family n frnds a lot I can get really close to you n u wouldn’t even be knowing my surname I hate people with unnecessary attitude and can show them more than they can handle I just love chocolates, DM’s Crackle & Hershey’s are myah all tym fav, unfortunately they show on me fast :( I mostly live in my own Dreamy Wonderland..... :) I just adore my dad for his patience n understanding I have a fetish for footwear I m a vegetarian :) I m very hyper at times :( I like pple with gud aesthetic sense; specially guys…. :P After being to hostel I started enjoying sitting ideal n star gazing it just brings me some positive energies. I am really bad at expressing my feelings I think making sum1 laugh is a real tuff job I like babies but not at the cost of keeping them ....lol's I prefer keeping distance 4m frnds brothers n guy frnds.... :P Tears make me really vulnerable I have got some strange philosophies in life n have never got to knw anyone to digest them straight in one go :P I like spending time alone once in 24 hrs I like black but I m too tired of wearing it......I always end up wearing black for anything big somehow I love applying loads kajal to myah eyes ^~^ I can be very irritating at times if some1's too sticky... Usually tall smart guys r dumb....: P I feel petting a poodle is better idea than courting a guy….. (lol) I think a woman can look very cheap in a sari if she wishes to carry it that way and can look very sensuous in a two piece even if she carries it gracefully!! ;) I share a very special bond with Librans n Capricorns! I can casually read faces, hands and hand writings but usually don’t do it as a matter of principle Mozart is kool n modern art makes evry1 a fool [wow, it rhymes ;)] I never wanted to study commerce ....I m doing honors in commerce :| I like visiting new places but hate traveling I can kill myah whole day sitting on Internet doing nothing at all.... I feel very home sick at times I m very confused /fickle minded at times I m very patient mostly, though not a patient listener I love myah sister a lot I rarely get bored but feel lonely at times I make frnds very easily I hate smokers n prefer keeping a distance from them I avoid typing sms'es I mostly spend my pocket money getting my cell recharged… :( I some day want to attend “Art of Living” classes I have an addiction for water sports I only keep good things in my memory rest move fast to the trash bin I have loads of black metal jewelry I have been wearing specs since four I can talk endlessly to some pple... I made frnds with some really weirdly astonishing pple, sum of them were thrice my age. I m good in keeping myah contacts if i wish too. Earlier I used to pen myself a lot but gradually dropped the habit somehow I miss school though hostel life is sweet candy dipped in lime soda I always carry an oxford pocket dictionary and disprin with me. I can cook pretty well I can’t dance, but can shake out with friends I can’t sleep over 6 hrs a day I have a sweet tooth “Hotel California” turns me on somehow I keep distance from IIT guys again as a matter of principle :P I like using a pencil instead of a pen Clean shaved men look gud I can be very dumb at times :( I never knew that I knw so many things about myself And I never knew that u r so interested in me that u read this so far???? Anyways Thanks….!!! U r a good reader…..!!

Let's Celebrate Life :)

I was just thinking that all of us long for happiness in some or the other way....

We run after the madding crowd frantically looking for happiness, things which would make us happy in the future, fulfilling dreams, voraciously aiming for innumerable things......


We forget cherishing happiness in the moment, things which make us really happy, we know them but never wait to appreciate them !!

I realised that from the minute I wake up till the time I go back to sleep, there are so many things which make me happy,


I read a caption of an advertisement somewhere which read "Let's Celebrate life"

Trust me these three words make a really beautiful statement.........lets celebrate life...

Doesn't brushing your teeth make u feel fresh?

Doesn't the warm towel u use after taking a bath makes u feel cozy?

Doesn't the smell of wet mud elevates your spirits?

Doesn't the cool breeze against your face makes u warm inside?

Doesn't the embraces from your friends makes u glad that u have them?

Doesn't that phone call from a old friend makes u overwhelmed?

Don't u enjoy the innocence in the kids in the playground?

Doesn't that winter sun cuddles u inside?

Don't u wait to get back home and sit with your parents?

Doesn't that high school picture reminds you of the priceless moments of your life?

Don't you enjoy the cozy bed after long day of work?

I JUST LOVE ...... so so many things like the jittered khol in my eyes when I wake up in the morning.
All we have to do is to stop for a while and appreciate all these things :)
Life is indeed beautiful, lets celebrate it :)

These are the people...!

IF I HAD TO TELL YOU ....WHAT REALLY LIFE GAVE ME IN THE PAST TWO YEARS..THIS IS HOW I'D TELL YOU....
I MET SOME WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND THIS IS HOW I'D LIKE TO TELL THEM THAT GUYS I LOVE YOU ,WHO KNOWS THAT I'D LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO TELL U ALL THAT U PEOPLE MEAN A LOT TO ME .....

I WISH I COULD STOP THE TIME AND BE WITH YOU ALL FOREVER....
I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT LAXMANGARHWOULD LAST IN MY MEMORY FOREVER OR WOULD BE OBLIVION, BUT WONT EVER LET YOU PEOPLE OFF !! LOVE ALL !!

ANTU DE !!

I'll MISS you bad de.....that's all i know

Not that only Laxmangarh would remind me of u, but at all the times and at all the places in life i'll miss you..You are one amongst those who'll always be in my heart...!!

LOVE ALWAYS!!

MINI DE !!
I don't really know that you'll read this ever or not... i wish you could..!

Never realised that you would go so soon...and that i wont ever get to sit and fight with u again..!! :(

I really admire you for the way you have taken things in your stride in life..!!
hats off !!

Wish you a very very Happy married life !!
keep smiling ! much love !!

SWEETE DE............SITI DEEEEE !!
First of all, sorry de couldn't get a better pic of yours...

De you know what at times you don't get chances to tell people what they mean to you.....

I'd miss your silly fights.... your unusual way of showing that you care....n yeah how can i forget that you are a gas balloon.... :P

Wish you all the luck...! take care..! (:


NOW, HERE ARE SOME OF MY REALLY CUTE FRIENDS OUT IN LAXMANGARH.....
DIDN'T KNOW WHOM TO PUT UP FIRST SO PLACING U ALL IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER !! LOVE !!

ABHILASHA FONDLY KNOW AS ABHI...!

I have never met a person as head strong as you are..!!

kudos !

ALWAYS be the way u r!!

Life has some real big goodie bags in store for you...!

Cheers (:

BHAVNA...!

All what i can say is

Dunno that i ever thanked you or not..!!Thanks for being there !!

I really admire you for the way you think about life !!

Love loads !!

NEHA......AKA CHULBULI !!

I'd always remember your uncensored jokes and wit dear..!!

keep spreading smiles and warmth every where you go !!

n ya, we all will make it big one day !!

love ya and miss ya loads !!

RADHIKA ......... RADHIKA GORI SE.......!!

hey radha just like the way u take violence in your stride....

n ya, cant forget your head massages..!! thanks

( i'm feeling bad for keeping u at last.....lesson u should learn: name ur kids with the alphabets A,B,C..... LOL )

take care !

EVERY ONES ONE OF THEIR own KIND.......one piece !!

Love you all !!

Adieus !!

Zulekha

Today as I was sitting back in my room sipping coffee from my mug, I suddenly realized that my cell phone was alerting me in and out of some missed calls...I fetched it out of somewhere from my bed covers and to my dilemma I found 3 missed calls from a friend I never thought would try and keep in touch with me so frantically...


Flash Back…..

It was 5th of January, 2008 after spending a wonderful day with one of my very special school friend in Jaipur...
my school time friends remind me of the colorful days of my school life ,a period which I'll reckon for life time....but changes do happen , I had to have a college life ... so do i have one, I had to bid her a good bye ...so did I...

I reluctantly boarded a bus to my college, my city, Laxmangarh.

I didn't want to go back to college so that I can run out of the pressures and studies of course.

Traveling off late has started interesting me but the destinations scare me ( and more if its Laxmangarh....yeah that’s the place where I study..)

I thought that 3 hrs ride back to hostel wont be tiring but it was mentally tiring ...what would i do once i get back there, all the upcoming pressures and n how to handle the mental cobweb..?

I didn’t even realize that the 3 hr long journey would pass in a jiffy....traveling in Rajasthan in winters has its own beauty...the deserts are really beautiful , their monotony speaks for them, and every face in the desert tells a tale, the deserts are very thought provoking, the monotony has frequencies....

I avoid talking to strangers while i am traveling and specially some questionnaire kind of people who are always willing to learn your geography and history without even knowing your name, their presence creates a uncomfortable ambiance ,one such man was sitting next to me, he triggered a conversation by asking me the time, ass$%^#....... he was fussing with my travel time brooding, after continuously ignoring and snubbing his silly chitchat I encountered his final question...."Am I bothering you much? "...... I stood dumb hearing to him...he probably must had sensed that i was least interested in talking to him.....I managed saying no so as to pretend to be decent. :)

After 2.5 hrs a place named Sikar comes on the route of Jaipur to Laxmangarh, Sikar is a big stop for all the long distance buses in Rajasthan, my bus stopped on a regular note, that fella got down along with some other people never to come back again ; and a new group of people got in to accompany me for another .5 hour journey to my destination, some people got down to answer to their natural calls ,some came back with jazzy packets of eatables and glasses of tea.


The sitting arrangement in buses here is done in two phases -A triplet of chairs on the right and a couplet onto the left. I was sitting on the window seat of the triplet seats, the bus was about to start suddenly a young man came in and asked me if someone was sitting besides me, I responded saying a no, it was quite obvious that the man was looking for a female company for a lady, he immediately got off the bus and suddenly a girl in a black burkha got in the bus and approached me with a very warm smile, a smile I'll remember for all my life .....a welcoming smile...
She captivated me with her smile.... there was something in her smile...\

She offered me a cup of tea in her hand...
the way she looked at me...the way she had wanted to know me...the way she tried to pass me her tea cup without even bothering to know me...that innocent face still flashes back in my mind. she sat next to me.....
the man who had come to ask me for the seat appeared again from somewhere... he was also inclined to get me tea.... after my constant refusal they finally got the idea that I wasn't at all interested in the tea...
the bus was about to depart...
I thought that he was her husband...dunno y ?or may be coz he ensured like a responsible man that she was comfortable enough, after a couple of minutes a young boy of nearly my age came in n sat next to her.... n took her custody... and the man i assumed as the girls husband got off the bus...
the whole scene seemed to be as that of a bollywood flick..."a little innocent gurl being guarded by numerous males"
finally the bus started off from Sikar... the girl was so damn amused to be sitting next to me... anxiously observing all my things....my watch, handbag, specs , hairs, earrings,clothes and every bit of me...
Suddenly I realized that the girl has got married sometime back...because her hands were printed with henna all through and were loaded with bangles and rings ...one of rings she was wearing was very capturing (it had a diff style and was carved out of silver, you could have loved her just by seeing her hands....they were very pretty)
she was wearing all sought of odd gold ornaments i could ever think off.......
she was a small village girl thrilled to explore a new world around her ,a world she was aware about but has never had a glimpse of ...
her eyes were reflecting her simplicity and the child in her...

After starting my college life I have to travel long hours as my college is over 500 kms from my hometown... and thus I come across a lot of strangers ,I never take too much interest in the people I travel with because I like spending time with myself... but this was for the first time that a stranger in a bus had got over my mind so instantly.. though i meet a lot of interesting people while traveling...but they never add relevance to my future... but this girl did...

I am still unable to recollect how our conversation began...it happened quite instantly !
I remember that after hesitating she had asked me whether I was traveling alone..? I replied in a yes.... it was something really unusual for her...this was just the take off her inquisitiveness ....she wanted to know everything about me and wanted to tell everything about herself....

She came up with her next question ...

Was i married or not?

this is one question which most of my friends out in Rajasthan and I have to face quite often by Rajasthani folks... because the marriageable age of females there is quite low...and they feel startled by seeing girls of our age unmarried...
after denying to her quest she suddenly said that she got married 7 days back... I smiled back at her to see the excitement in her eyes(i forgot to tell that she was wearing a lightly hinted kajal in her eyes ,which made her look all the more gorgeous).... she said she was going back to her parents home in Bikaner and was extremely thrilled to get back to home for the first time after marriage and her brother had come to pick her up from her in-laws place ,and the man who had come to drop them to the bus stop was her brother in law...
She told that her parents had got her married in Sikar ....and she missed her parents bad ,though her in-laws love her and keep her busy with the daily chores ... I sensed agony in her voice when she said "daily chores....." there was something which she was sad about,her eyes were telling that ... I thought that she's newly married n thus must be missing home badly ...
She again asked me when would i get married.... she was keener than my parents to get me married........ I said I dunno but its not happening soon...
I was awestruck when she said she was only 18.... a lot younger to me... n i was more startled to know her husbands age ...he was a MAN over 26.... I felt bad for her... she wasn't aware of the world around and before she could realize this her parents had set her off with a man, she has been directed to serve him for her lifetime...render his children n look after his family ! God the whole idea was so scary for a girl of my age and upbringing... couldnt digest her reality.....
My inquisitiveness in her was growing leaps .... but couldn’t manage the guts to ask her anything after thinking of her future....
but at that the time she was happy ...she was going back home...
she talked about every bit of thing she could think of , she had longed for friend to speak to had she got one..... i became all ears for her....

Her name was " ZULEKHA".... i loved her name... the way she spoke her name.....
I being a avid kajal fan and knowing the fact that Muslim girls have a fair hand with it , asked Zulekha that which kajal she uses (look at me ...heights of being fashion conscious even in critical situations :P )
she gave a very expected answer that she uses home made kajal... i told her that her kajal made her look really pretty.... she suddenly became very shy and to flip the topic she said she wasn’t carrying the kajal with her else she would have given me hers... she got hyper with the kajal thing...i had to calm her saying that I'll make kajal for myself once i m home [ ya , she even taught me how to make that kajal :) ]

with all my courage I asked her that was she happy being married and why did she got married so early without even completing her studies...... all she could say was that she is one of the five issues (3 being girls) to her parents and had to marry early as there was a lot of financial burden on her family and they engaged her when she was 15 and now finally she and sister got married on the same day(so as to save the costs of marriage)....
but she said she was happy and content post marriage and her husband took good care of her ...even showed a gold wrist watch he had gifted her on their first night :) she told her husband works in some Arab country (aww, i forgot the name) as a clerk ,and had come for a month to India to get her married... and would take her along next time when he'll come to India which some how made me feel very sorry for her... :(
but then i thought that this wasn’t a bad deal either ..she seemed pretty fine and had a big bag of surprises waiting for her and life is about changes... which keep happening to all of us...

After speaking to Zulekha over all odd sought of things suddenly my eyes got stuck to a family planning advertisement been painted on all seat covers of the bus seats sponsored by GOI containing all kind of crap a contraceptive add can contain.......... " Safe Sex, Single partner,2 kids.....blah blah ...."
Complimented by a silly picture...
Zulekha suddenly saw me reading the add.... and looked in my eyes and said "ADMI KOO YAHI CHAHIYE.........."
gwadddd....... my heart skipped a beat.. I was like what ...? What did you say..?
She said that this is what a man wants..... I was like no that's not true... she said "u agree or not but the fact is that the only way to make a man happy is this...... I know....." I was like girl .....what the hell are you saying.......... ?
I was like why do u say so.... she's said that once u get married you'll get to know....... I repeated again that is not true..... but didn’t argue long becauses she was all in tears.... I asked her "girl what’s wrong...?"
It didn’t take long to realize that she was facing some kind of sexual abuse .....
I didn't know what to talk... calmed her down.. and was like it'll be fine.. Dont worry !! But somewhere knew that it wont be fine...
I managed to ask what was wrong with her?
She told her husband forces her to bed every day which is very painful and she cries out of pain every time he does so..... I was like how can he force her for anything without her consent ......... she should stop him right away.... I didn’t know what to say... I was numb ..didn't know what to speak ...all I could tell her was that she should sit and speak to him... he'll understand you...
She said that she had tried her best but he says its normal to be in pain for some days and things become fine gradually... what a jerk... she started weeping all the more.. :( Cant even imagine her misery.....
I told her its normal but he shouldn’t force you for anything or deliberately take you to bed.....
I asked her that y did she say that her husband took care of her...........how does he takes care.... this is not taking care...he has made the most beautiful chapter of her life into a scary movie........she said he was good but didn’t listen to her when it came to bed....... dunno how she found him good...
I just realized that the baby doll was out of her cocoon..... the helplessness of being uneducated ... forced to slavery to a MCP....
Felt that old Indian males still dominate the females and think that they are the bosses and can use a girl the way they want to....... Reality flashed in front of me....... didnt have a heart to face it...... didnt have the courage to weep in front of her...
She was so helpless .......she couldn’t put it in words but her eyes were speaking aloud for her ..about her misery........
She said that she couldn’t speak to anyone over this...and cant stop her husband.......
He seemed like a moron to me....
I couldn’t cry .........
Couldn’t understand how can a man get off treating his wife so badly......
Is this still the reality of rural India??

This was the flip side of the Zulekha's story....
couldn’t tell her anything...... she was uneducated..... couldn’t even ask her to fight with him.........
Just asked her to speak to him ... try and explain him that sex is a mutual act and not a one mans play......
This was for the first time I confronted the ugly reality of a uneducated village girl.. out of her covers.... it was scary.......it was heart pounding..... didn’t know how react.....just asked her to try to complete her studies... be worldly wise when she moves out in a different country... and learn to speak in front of her husband.......marriage is about two people and their lives and wishes....and man is no God....

We could'nt talk any more , I had to get off the bus..my destination had come.... we exchanged our numbers.... didn’t want to go... but had too.......

She suddenly took out a silver ring out of finger and gave it to me...it was the same ring .....she again left me in a dilemma ..didn’t know what to do... didn’t want to break her heart and didn’t have a heart to take such a expensive gift.... she some how convinced me by saying that she has a identical ring and i should keep this one as she would always remember me when she'll wear her ring......as she said so i just took the ring.... couldn’t manage to break her heart....
thought of giving her something but couldn’t find anything of worth to give to a very special friend ... somehow i managed to find a pair of earrings in my hand bag.... gave them to her... she just smiled and kept them... giving a promise that i would call her in my weeding...... :) and would stay in contact with her...



Zulekha left a impression on my mind for a life time....there was something in her .... her eyes still haunt me at times...


P.S.
Zulekha sacrificed her life for her parents by getting married to a unknown odd aged man .....what a devotion... !
We talk big.. women being equal to a man.......We speak of women’s lib.... we get off with everything........ but what of a girl who deliberately takes domestic violence in her stride so as to preserve her family pride ... because she knows that she wont have any where to go if she goes against her husbands will.... she knows no one will back her up in times of trauma and agony...but she doesn’t know that she is living with agony.........
she is a living epitome of selflessness and devotion....

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Zulekha keeps calling me..... she still gets startled when she gets to know that i m shopping alone in the market... or i m dinning out with my friends....
and one thing she never gets out of focus is to ask me about my marriage date.... and all the time i disappoint her saying that its a long way to go....
and every time asks that would i invite her for my marriage or not.....and gets profoundly happy when i tell her that she will be my top guest ..... :)

I request all of you to contribute your best
to stop any kind of domestic violence towards females....
Physical violence of any kind is a big crime.....and seeing crime happen in front of you is also a crime... Stop it...!
A woman is the creator of life.... respect her...!