As I promised to myself a week back that i'd return back here more often and pamper myself a little solace with words and some old Hindi romantic songs like this ! My little share of the heaven :)
As a promise of confidentiality to my friends whose stories I am going to share today, lets call them Ragini and Vani.
Both Ragini and Vani are my awesome girl friends from different parts of the world, with whom I evolved as a person and thus so much love <3
Like most of us both of them too had burnt their hands with love and molded their broken hearts with time and some wine ;) Whats strangely similar in their stories is that both of their last apparent crushes were happily married with a kid, but there was no infidelity involved as they never crossed the lines of "just friends" and both of them proudly managed to abort anything significant which could have happened.
Day before yesterday Ragini came home to meet me after a long while and was all smiles, she seemed unusually happy and not so cranky about her job which did not make her happy most of the times. After we struck little conversations she went on about a guy she had been telling me from past couple of months. He was apparently charming, interesting and not a pushy chaser which we all shun from a far off distance. They used to sweat out together at the same time and place..... at an office gym, oouch ;) it was somewhat a perfect fix to set up those flames ;-)
They were probably enjoying the first phase of knowing each other, it all started over some IM's followed by a couple of dinner and movie meetings. She was happy this guy didn't chase her frantically and was a very happy company. I could see that hope in her eyes that 'maybe' he was her man.
As the evening progressed Ragini suddenly burst out in giggles, joking that probably she should check on him if he was married, Reminiscing her previous experiences with douches. What to do, demons haunt us. I instantly reacted and told her how she was a pessimist. Negativity usually makes me sick. Thus my sudden reaction. How I believe not to doubt people unless they give us reasons to. She got my peace of mind, that she had all the probabilities of being considered retarded and also the chances of damaging the relation. How she has to be positive, et al.
She calmed down, There came her phone getting flashed on my face with his handsome whatsapp picture and the usual curious me convinced her to check his public profile for more pictures, if we could find it. (BTW our very typical anti social Ragini doesn't have a FB account and quite firmly believes that FB is just a spy spot for everyone and anyone !) Bazinga !! we found his profile within seconds and took even lesser time to flip thru' the pictures and stumble upon one with a lady in his arms. Here came our eyes rolling out, in split seconds our heads processed, he was MARRIED !
She was very disappointed, but what brought her comfort was the fact that they were still just good friends and it had not progressed anywhere much ahead. So convenient it was for him to skip this portion of his life in all those talks and meetings, so easy it was to fool around on all those dinner and movie dates. So damn easy it was for him to just be a charming talker :) Ragini was a little shaken and happy at the same time, Happy that she discovered the truth very soon ! She left after a while leaving me with a stack of questions. It probably didn't disturb her as much it did me. I had a bad sleep followed by a lousy day at work. What probably shook me more was the thought that what if I get married to someone who strayed out of house like so many others? Would I be able to survive the agony?
We all know the basics cliche foundation of marriages some 20 years back don't exist anymore. The norms have changed multifold.
Next day morning at my desk a little lost I confided in my friend and happily married neighbor. She is my angel at work, always welcomes me with a smile and gives me company on all those good and not so good days at work. She listened me out calmly and knew how disappointed I was about the whole idea of men cheating and flirting haywire, specially the married ones :(
There came her words of wisdom from a 10 year maariage; Pallavi this is the bitter truth of life and its not always fair and some men are 'like that'. She told me how she was mentally prepared if she had to raise her kids as a single mother if she ever faces something similar. Something just rang inside me, yes that was true, many men go stray at one point or the other. I have myself seen so many go! Why was it still so hard to accept?
Probably today I found the answer to that question, maybe men are evolutionarily and biologically programmed to do so, probably this was something beyond their control too, probably we girls didn't think the way they did and maybe we are plain different. Afterall humans were not designed to be monogamous. All these thoughts somehow calmed me a lot but in noway I could still buy infidelity. To me it was the big daddy of all sins. Thoughts like these have made me a little pessimistic about the whole marriage institution in the past. A big realization and acceptance came to me that in all probable situations it was anyday better to be single, but a girl would still need the support of a man to raise a family (like we have always seen at home !) but keeping a more realistic approach to all things (men) and still living at your terms was most important.
Yes it is- Acceptance of the world the way it is ! Acceptance of the things we cant change much ! Acceptance of the ecosytem as designed by his highness ! Acceptance of the differences!
A promise to myself to not get too lost and know when to move ahead !
As a promise of confidentiality to my friends whose stories I am going to share today, lets call them Ragini and Vani.
Both Ragini and Vani are my awesome girl friends from different parts of the world, with whom I evolved as a person and thus so much love <3
Like most of us both of them too had burnt their hands with love and molded their broken hearts with time and some wine ;) Whats strangely similar in their stories is that both of their last apparent crushes were happily married with a kid, but there was no infidelity involved as they never crossed the lines of "just friends" and both of them proudly managed to abort anything significant which could have happened.
Day before yesterday Ragini came home to meet me after a long while and was all smiles, she seemed unusually happy and not so cranky about her job which did not make her happy most of the times. After we struck little conversations she went on about a guy she had been telling me from past couple of months. He was apparently charming, interesting and not a pushy chaser which we all shun from a far off distance. They used to sweat out together at the same time and place..... at an office gym, oouch ;) it was somewhat a perfect fix to set up those flames ;-)
They were probably enjoying the first phase of knowing each other, it all started over some IM's followed by a couple of dinner and movie meetings. She was happy this guy didn't chase her frantically and was a very happy company. I could see that hope in her eyes that 'maybe' he was her man.
As the evening progressed Ragini suddenly burst out in giggles, joking that probably she should check on him if he was married, Reminiscing her previous experiences with douches. What to do, demons haunt us. I instantly reacted and told her how she was a pessimist. Negativity usually makes me sick. Thus my sudden reaction. How I believe not to doubt people unless they give us reasons to. She got my peace of mind, that she had all the probabilities of being considered retarded and also the chances of damaging the relation. How she has to be positive, et al.
She calmed down, There came her phone getting flashed on my face with his handsome whatsapp picture and the usual curious me convinced her to check his public profile for more pictures, if we could find it. (BTW our very typical anti social Ragini doesn't have a FB account and quite firmly believes that FB is just a spy spot for everyone and anyone !) Bazinga !! we found his profile within seconds and took even lesser time to flip thru' the pictures and stumble upon one with a lady in his arms. Here came our eyes rolling out, in split seconds our heads processed, he was MARRIED !
She was very disappointed, but what brought her comfort was the fact that they were still just good friends and it had not progressed anywhere much ahead. So convenient it was for him to skip this portion of his life in all those talks and meetings, so easy it was to fool around on all those dinner and movie dates. So damn easy it was for him to just be a charming talker :) Ragini was a little shaken and happy at the same time, Happy that she discovered the truth very soon ! She left after a while leaving me with a stack of questions. It probably didn't disturb her as much it did me. I had a bad sleep followed by a lousy day at work. What probably shook me more was the thought that what if I get married to someone who strayed out of house like so many others? Would I be able to survive the agony?
We all know the basics cliche foundation of marriages some 20 years back don't exist anymore. The norms have changed multifold.
Next day morning at my desk a little lost I confided in my friend and happily married neighbor. She is my angel at work, always welcomes me with a smile and gives me company on all those good and not so good days at work. She listened me out calmly and knew how disappointed I was about the whole idea of men cheating and flirting haywire, specially the married ones :(
There came her words of wisdom from a 10 year maariage; Pallavi this is the bitter truth of life and its not always fair and some men are 'like that'. She told me how she was mentally prepared if she had to raise her kids as a single mother if she ever faces something similar. Something just rang inside me, yes that was true, many men go stray at one point or the other. I have myself seen so many go! Why was it still so hard to accept?
Probably today I found the answer to that question, maybe men are evolutionarily and biologically programmed to do so, probably this was something beyond their control too, probably we girls didn't think the way they did and maybe we are plain different. Afterall humans were not designed to be monogamous. All these thoughts somehow calmed me a lot but in noway I could still buy infidelity. To me it was the big daddy of all sins. Thoughts like these have made me a little pessimistic about the whole marriage institution in the past. A big realization and acceptance came to me that in all probable situations it was anyday better to be single, but a girl would still need the support of a man to raise a family (like we have always seen at home !) but keeping a more realistic approach to all things (men) and still living at your terms was most important.
Yes it is- Acceptance of the world the way it is ! Acceptance of the things we cant change much ! Acceptance of the ecosytem as designed by his highness ! Acceptance of the differences!
A promise to myself to not get too lost and know when to move ahead !
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